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The I don’t know phase: Lockdown 2.0

Just when we thought that everything is about to be normal again, March 2021 happened. It feels as if we are stuck and there’s no way out. The current scenario seems similar to what had happened last year but feels extremely different. When all of this started again many of us might have thought that this won’t be so difficult as we lived all this earlier too, but this time it is not the same, there’s no excitement, there wasn’t a need for a vacation, we were at our home for over a year, we wanted to get out of this covid cycle asap and get going with our normal lives. 2021 seemed to be a ray of hope, a new beginning to our old lives. But as of now, 2021  is proving to be more difficult not only in terms of daily case count and the spread but mentally too. The constant feeling of being trapped, the irritation, the self-doubt, and many unknown feelings rushing through our minds and heart are disturbing. Suddenly, everything happening all around the world seems to be too much to handle. There’s a constant fear of testing positive, losing a dear one, of being unemployed, being financially unstable, innumerable problems, as well as the feeling of losing yourself. Waking up and feeling demotivated and low, not wanting to work, and just lay on your bed is an everyday drill. If you relate to any of these, don’t worry, you’re not alone. And this is not the end of the world. If it makes you feel a tad better, I would talk about my feelings. I was thinking what could be the possible reason for me to feel so low? Why am I not able to work knowing the deadlines and workload? Why am I always irritated and angry? Why am I not able to be happy with my small achievements? After a really long deep-thinking session I realized that it is the pressure I am putting on myself, I am taking my tasks too seriously and stressing over them so much that I am scared to even take the first step towards it and end up procrastinating, doing nothing in guilt and giving myself a hard time. The second was: comparing this year to the year I thought 2021 would be. It irritates me, pisses me off, upsets me when I think about what I should have been doing at this time if it was not for this lockdown. Watching Netflix series looking at the life shown in there makes me feel like even I want to go out, enjoy my summertime, and here I am doing nothing, just procrastinating, stuck at home, irritated all the time, feeling useless and what not. We cannot do anything right now, it’s uncontrollable but what we can do is make the most of whatever we have. Today morning as I woke up, I just told myself enough of this drama being totally clueless about what to do about it I just started with my day. Just taking control of your day working on things one at a time literally works. Set small goals for yourself. The thing is that if we take things slow and concentrate on small goals and work towards them makes it easy for us to enjoy what we do and the task seems easy. At least this worked for me. And even if you don’t feel like doing the smallest of the things you thought of doing, it’s okay too! We are in the middle of a PANDEMIC! Remind yourself it is a phase and you are better than this, you got this. As I was going through this phase, I read a lot about it, watched YouTube videos, and gathered a few useful tips that can help you feel less helpless,  if not totally happy but still good enough. Here we go: Don’t run away from your reality. That is, if you are feeling sad, just don’t divert your mind by doing something else, working a million times hard just to distract yourself. No! that does not work. Accepting things always helps, feel it. If you feel like crying, cry! Embrace your emotions. The second is to indulge yourself in activities you love, which make you feel good, satisfying your soul. Read a book, watch a movie, watch cute pet videos, or anything that makes you feel you. The third is to get rid of the toxicity in your life. The toxic habits, toxic thoughts, or even toxic people. If a particular thing or a particular person is making you feel even worse about yourself, who is bringing in the sense of negativity just let them go. Surround yourself with the people who uplift you, with the people who can appreciate you when you are doing great but should also tell you when you are wrong. The people who value you for you. Share your feelings with your close ones, journal your thoughts, talk to yourself, whatever makes you feel a little light-hearted. This is an extremely hard time for every single being on this planet, again you are not alone. Fight for your well-being. I wrote this piece today to get over my feelings of being stuck, failing in living a meaningful life. While writing this, I realized that there’s much more to life, this is not the end, I am not stuck, I just need a new perspective. I have everything, all the necessary resources, the best people in my life, good college grades, literally everything. Just that I was pulling myself back. I need to value what I have and be happy about being safe and healthy right now. Having said that, this does not imply that mental health is just about “a new perspective”, or “it’s all in your head” kind of thing. It is very much real just in my case for now I think what I needed was a new direction. For you, things can be different but all I would say is it is okay to feel like that. You got this. Believe in yourself because you are strong and worth being happy.

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